Irrationality + Gratitude

Here’s the thing about me: I have an irrational fear of death.

Honestly, I have an irrational fear of everything, but death is number one. I can’t figure out exactly what it is. Maybe it’s about not being able to see the world anymore. Or maybe it’s the idea that, even after death, life goes on. I know it’s horrible – I spend so much of my day worrying about death, I forget to live.

I’m paranoid. The weather patterns caused by climate change keep me up at night. The sudden increase in sinkholes makes me scared to walk around too heavily. I shiver at the thought of cancer, ALS, locked-in syndrome, Alzheimer’s, MS, etc.

I’ve decided to do something about the phobia that’s eating me alive. Every time I’m worry about death, I’m going to list something that makes me grateful I’m alive. Starting here:

– I am grateful for friends. For professors that take the trouble to host wonderful barbecues with wonderful people and wonderful food. I’m grateful for people who make me laugh, think and who make me happy.
– I am grateful for my family. I’m grateful that after a long day of work, I come home to my caring mom, my angry father, my annoying brothers. I am grateful for not just having a family, but one that cares so fiercely and infinitely.
– I am grateful that I am healthy.
I am grateful that I’m well fed.
– I am grateful that I am mobile, I am bright, I am blessed.

But most of all, I am grateful that I’m alive.


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